Aim of an Effective Apology

To apologise well, you need to first recognise that you were part of the problem. Even if your part was small, it helped create the dis-connect, and you need to take part in re-connecting.


Second, don’t get caught up in what your partner does – whether or not they accept their share of the blame, or how they respond. An apology is an act of integrity. You do it because it’s the right thing to do.


Third, the AIM of your apology should include all three parts –

A – Action

I – Integrity

M- Management


Action is an introduction. It’s the part where you say, ” I’m sorry about…” or “I wanted to apologise for…” or “I didn’t mean to….”


Integrity is where you acknowledge your part of the problem. It’s not an explanation, which can come across as a “brush-off” or an excuse. Rather, it recognises that what you did had an impact and that wasn’t your intention: “I left the kitchen a mess and I know it’s hard to make dinner in a messy kitchen.”


Motivation a statement of commitment, and of what you will do differently in the future: “I’ll sweep the floor after dinner, so I don’t forget; “or “I’ll make sure I help with the kids in the morning”


Apologies build connection

An effective apology isn’t automatic. It takes awareness, thought, and energy. To apologise well you need to set aside your need to be right, and instead show that you regret your part in the misunderstanding.


It’s not about outcome. It’s about doing your part to mend the relationship. Apologies demonstrate that the person you are apologising to matters to you. Apologies show compassion, promote understanding, and help avoid future misunderstandings.


Each time you do this, you reduce relationship stress and build a stronger connection with your partner. AIM to offer effective apologies. They are worth it !


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